Starry-Eyed to Grounded

Before college, I was often enthralled by the coveted 'Economics' tag in college. Now, of course, I know that pedestalizing something as trivial as my choice of course is but a misguided attempt of a starry-eyed high schooler finding his own happiness in what is yet to come. However, that happiness for me was fleeting, as I had no idea what to expect. Coming from a background in a completely different field, I was reluctant about diving into a discipline for which I could only attribute hearsay for my interest. The first few weeks were overwhelming. Terms like 'demand’, ‘elasticity’, and ‘opportunity cost’ failed to strike a familiar ring to them.

The constant comparison to classmates who had studied economics in their previous years only added to the stress. While they seemed to effortlessly grasp all concepts, I struggled to keep up, often feeling like an outsider in classes. I was used to answering questions during classes in school, and now looked cluelessly at my classmates doing the same, further crushed my confidence. I questioned my decision to take up eco(h) every day.

I realised I needed assistance. It was then that my friends came to my aid. I didn’t become a master of the subject, but I was starting to understand the basics of economics. In no time, our first internal arrived. To say that it went terribly would be an understatement. For the first time in every moment of my existence, I was given a score of zero. It was a humbling experience and I realised that passion and determination could not replace foundational knowledge and expertise.

Even after putting in a tremendous amount of effort, I was not able to score well. Nevertheless, I gave it my all in the final exams. I studied everything I could, even from multiple textbooks. But fate was up to something else entirely. I knew that I had to attempt only a certain number of questions from the total pool of questions. During the exam, seeing the question paper made me panic. I completely forgot about having choices in the question paper. I had 3 hours, and I tried to attempt all the questions. I skipped a part here and there in some questions, thinking that I would compensate for it with some other question. Obviously, I couldn’t finish the entire paper. I asked the student seated in front of me after the test whether he had been able to answer every question. At that moment, I realised what had happened and it was confirmed when I turned towards the question paper's instructions. The panic during the exam was not just about forgetting the instructions; it was about the realization that no amount of cramming could make up for a lack of genuine comprehension.

As the semesters have gone by, my struggle with economics continues. While I personally find macroeconomics more interesting than microeconomics, it has not made the journey easier. Despite scoring a nine in macroeconomics during my third semester, the reality of my situation has become clearer. After almost four semesters of struggle with economic concepts, I've made peace with the fact that mastering this subject will be a constant uphill battle. The experience so far has taught me a harsh lesson about the realities of academic pursuits and the importance of aligning one’s abilities with their interests. Pursuing economics was a negative turn in my educational journey; it was one that I needed to take in order to develop personally and reconsider my academic objectives.