Waning of Hope

When I was in school, among many mistakes I had made- one yet still topical even as I write this from the other side- was tying a lot of my self-worth to scoring well to get into a 'good' college- which I was perhaps guilty of letting others define the parameter for me. I was lucky. I had- in my own construct- made it when I got into my college. With it, came a fleeting, but powerful reminder of how happy I could be. It was something I had never felt like before, I had never felt such motivation and drive run through me- I was determined- to best myself.

The first few weeks of college provided ample opportunity. The mere fact that I reminisce about the potential of that time through a rose-tinted lens makes me realise how fleeting hope can be.In retrospect, I see, I was not the only one forcing circumstances into fitting my narrative, but is in fact a common theme among many of my peers.

I draw from my experience as a fresher looking at my peers- and at seniors. It seemed as if my seniors were much more cynical- about themselves, and about their outlook in general. I couldn't make that connection then, but as I went through the process myself, it did not seem as hard to empathize with them.

It's a common sight. It's easy to have golden-retriever energy as a fresher- in fact you're more often than not conditioned by your environment to do more, dwell less on failures, and always be hopeful about the future. But you look at the other end- when college is about to end- how many of us can realistically say we've done enough or are satisfied with ourselves? It's remarkable for those who can.

But I certainly cannot. Yet I find myself working towards it. It's an odd fact of the college experience that it can and does chip away at your optimism, and it is heartbreaking at times. It's always important to acknowledge and remember to not be paralysed by reality checks, as difficult as it may be- that itself is such a huge part of how most people 'grow' once they come to college.

Yet peer-pressure is real. It works in subtle ways, and perhaps brings out the worst in a lot of us. Living in comparison to others whom you deem 'better' sets yourself up for failure- which is perhaps the most important and valuable lesson I can take away from my college experience- rejection and failure. From marks, internships and even close friends- you will see it all.

So, always remember it's okay to be bogged down as the years go by- you simply get better at dealing with it while pushing yourself to be better.